That is the question that I am presenting to you.
I have been thinking on this a lot lately. I was reading Heather's blog and it got me to thinking about it even more.
What exactly does the Bible say about having children? I know it says that they are a blessing. But is it optional? It seems to me that getting married is optional but once you make that choice is it your option to have or to not have children? Is the number you have also optional? Is it wrong to decide not to have more than one or two? Do you believe that God leaves the decision in our hands?
I have been wondering about this but honestly have not studied it. I plan to do just that over the next few days but I would also like your opinion. What have you seen or heard in the Scriptures regarding this?
My personal opinion is to each his own. I have always believed that if God really wanted a child to be born, it would regardless of how we try to prevent it. And the same in reverse. I guess what I really want to know is, are we being disobedient by trying to decide how many or when our children are to be born?
Just curious is all.
9 comments:
Wow, Heidi that is a serious one... I don't really know scripturally... Connie has mentioned that we are raising God's army... and I felt very convicted. At this point I feel that my quiver is FULL.... But a while back at church we had a good discussion in the nursery... and I came to the conclusion that I don't have to have them all NOW... That was a huge relief to me. I think you are searching for deeper answers than that, so it probably isn't much help.
Hey, Heidi. You are not the only one who has had conflicting thoughts/emotions on this. I have probably "researched" this topic to death trying to find a satisfying answer.
My first impulse is to say--if you are questioning, and still feel a desire for more children, God is likely trying to tell you that you are not done---. Just my opinion based on my own experience, though.
Does Jay want more little ones? If he does, then that may be your answer, since he is head of your home and ultimately responsible before God for what happens in your family.
Talking to others is good. Although you might get some conflicting info which could get confusing.
I have a link on my site to a blog called Generation Cedar, which has some Scripturally based thoughts on family and children. You might find something there to be helpful.
James 1:5-7 is probably the best advice I could share with anyone in your position. "But if any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all men generously and without reproach, and it will be given to him. But let him ask in faith without any doubting, for the one who doubts is like the surf of the sea driven and tossed by the wind. For let not that man expect that he will receive anything from the Lord..."
Pray together with your husband that God will put His desire in your hearts. And believe that He will lead you to a place of trusting obedience. I'll be praying for you, too :)
BTW, your kiddos are darling and from your pics and posts appear to be a source of pure joy for you and your husband!
Oops, forgot to sign my name.
~Heather
I would not fret over it. Heather has very good advice, just seek God for wisdom and his desire for you. Abraham and Sarah only had one child, and that child was the seed of Jesus. After talking to Dennis Conway, I am convinced that even if you are not ready for more kids, God will give them to you if it is in his plan. Don't stress!
Well, I am going to be 100% honest. I haven't studied it yet. I do however really want a daughter and struggle with thinking that Rowan would be my last baby because he will be two in a couple of months. I know there are no guarantees that I would get a daughter but I do know(as Terah has pointed out) that I WON'T get one if I never have another child. This is all so mind boggling to me.
Jay is kind of under the same influence as Craig in the fact that I'm the one who has to do the whole pregnant, birth, nursing, day in and day out care of them, so as many as I want is fine with him. He is a little pickier about how far apart they are spaced.
What got me started on this whole thing is the fact that I am having a serious case of baby fever but I am afraid that I cannot handle more than two children. Sometimes I go to the bathroom simply to get away! Not that I don't enjoy them, I just get really tense sometimes.
Anyway, just some thoughts. Thank you for your opinions and advice.
I am not concerned that God won't give me what he wants me to have, I'm just concerned that trying to plan it may be disobedient or selfish.
You asked.
In a nutshell...
My *personal* opinion on the matter is that our God is all-knowing and all-wise…
And he loves us unimaginably.
If He makes a point to tell us that children are a gift and a reward, and blessed is the man whose quiver is FULL (holding as much or as many as is possible) then who are we (in all OUR “wisdom”) to disagree? And why would we decide otherwise?
So...does this mean I'm gonna have more nieces and nephews on my side?
Well, I'm having a hard time keeping my keyboard quiet...You have brought up a wonderful question and a timely topic. One that I believe EVERY married couple should seriously consider and pray about.
Anyway, Heidi, you so perfectly described much of what I go through...
Until our babies reach about 2 years, I have absolutely NO interest in having another one. Since I B-feed for a good year, I feel as though I am actually still "pregnant" for closer to two years, rather than 9 months, and really like to have one year "off" before repeating the cycle. It takes me that long to finally get the last of the pudge off. That is just me, and I expect if we end up having them closer together, I need to accept that as God's timing. But what I really wanted to say about that is that, after struggling with when, how many, etc, I do feel an actual peace about catching the "baby fever" you have described. Children #3, 4 and 5 have been a result of me letting go of the "I can't do this again--already have my plate full--HATE to be pregnant" mentality. For our family, I believe it is God's way of telling us it is time for another baby.
I'm afraid this is going to get rather long, but I wanted to share something else~
When our third child was about 16 months, I started to feel as though we should have another one. However, I was really dawdling about it--even though I do believe that desire is a God given one, which is meant to communicate His instruction. We use a natural method of pregnancy prevention, so there really was nothing but ME in the way. I kept putting it off and figuring we could try "next month". I love my kids, but really felt as though another one 'just then' would be more than I could handle.
I tend toward bouts of depression, especially as the fall progresses and days get shorter. February is usually the worst, but that year I noticed it never lifted and I had stopped reading my Bible, was having panic attacks, seriously paranoid. Crying over nothing.
It was getting scary. I finally asked Craig if I could go see our doctor about it, thinking I might be having thyroid issues or undiscovered food allergies. I filled out an "are you depressed" questionnaire and it indicated I was mild to moderately depressed, so the doc was obligated to let me know about prescription 'happy pills' as a possibile treatment option. He never pushed, and, being a Christian, he also prayed with me before I left. I went home, researched antidepressants and rejected that option immediately. The potential side effects of those things rival the actual disorder in their unpleasantness.
I felt absolutely deflated about my prospect for recovery. There didn't seem to be anything really wrong with me other than not getting restful sleep several nights a week.
I'm sorry this is getting long. Promise I will try to get to the point quickly. One day, I was absolutely miserable and decided to finally pick up my Bible again. And I prayed "God,I don't know what to do. I am dying, and I need YOU to help me" Not my exact words, but what my heart was crying. After a couple months away, I really didn't have much of an idea where to begin, so I just went to where I had stopped reading before.
John 14 was next up and this is what He told me: "Let not your heart be troubled; believe in God, believe also in Me." Okay. The first thing I set my eyes on was the spanking I needed. I had NOT been believing in God's plan for me. And I was bawling so hard I couldn't see the page. I had NOT been trusting Him to lead my heart and actions. I had been fighting, like a little kid who's loving parent gives an instruction for his own good--but he can't see it, so he throws a tantrum. But, it was also a relief. I had asked for wisdom, with an open heart--and gotten my answer. There was no doubt in my mind why I had been so troubled.
In that moment of disciplinary action I also felt waves of peace like I hadn't experienced in many, many months. And once I set my heart to obedience, the depression lifted and we were expecting almost immediately.
As an aside, I am no super-mom. And we have far more children than 'I' can handle, too--but I'm not doing this alone. Craig is an absolute gift as he is an excellent father and God Himself is the ultimate Father. When I find myself feeling as though I have bitten off more than I can chew, it is usually because I have--meaning, I am trying to operate on my own rather than simply ask God for guidance and obey Him. After all, Jesus has said "Take My yoke upon you, and learn from Me; and you shall find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy, and my load light." In my experience, His 'yoke' is simple, trusting obedience to what He has told us to do.
Just wanted to share my cautionary tale, as I found out the hard way that obedience--no matter how difficult or contrary to worldly wisdom it might seem--is far easier than disobedience.
Not that I think you are ignoring God. Whatever He is trying to tell you about having children is something you will need to listen for. But that is my story and I thought it might be appropriate to share it as you seem to have some of the same struggles as me.
Still praying God will give you and Jay the wisdom to see His plan for your family :)
Thank you, this has been very helpful.
As far as the baby fever thing goes, I think I'll have it even when I'm 80! I am fairly confident that God doesn't plan on me having more children then!
I do believe that He will give me a peace about being "done" when the time comes and I certainly don't feel that now. I guess my problem lies in the fact that I feel as though I could stop right now and feel content but years later regret not having more. No matter how many children I have, will I regret not having just one more? What if I feel we need to have another but Jay doesn't? This kind of happened with Adam.
We had been married about six months and I really felt a strong desire to have a baby. Jay was not really at a point where he was feeling the same way. He wanted to wait a couple of years before even thinking about children. We both had just turned 21 and he wanted to maybe have a house first and so on.We discussed it a LOT and I very begrudgingly gave in...until the next day. At last he gave in to my pestering and decided that we could see what happens. All of sudden everyone around us was pregnant. Shelby, Jay's little sister, Terah, two of my cousins, etc. I was on a mission! I would have a baby with all of them if it killed me!
Well, a long story made short, I put myself and Jay through a lot of agony when for six more months we did not get pregnant. I finally just said,"Okay God, it's up to you, I've done everything in my power." Miraculously I got pregnant!
Rowan was entirely different. I was definitely ready and Jay was not. I decided not to bug him and shortly after he said we could aim for the beginning of the following year. We wanted to avoid Christmas since it's kinda iffy at UPS with time off and making it home in time for the birth and such. Also Adam was the beginning of January so we just wanted to space their birthdays and Christmas out as much as possible. Well, we "slipped up" just one time and before we knew it, we had a due date of December 20th. =)
We laugh about it now, because God had to have been smiling at our feeble attempts to "plan" our family. In the end, we had a baby when HE wanted us to. That being said, I do believe he gives us a choice and a free will and we can choose whether or not to obey his promptings.
Gee, I am really long-winded about this, sorry!
Bottom line, is it wrong to use birth control in any form? Does God really expect me to be pregnant every year? Have I mentioned my love\hate relationship with pregnancy? I love it because it's just such a miracle and it's so cool! I hate it because I am a perpetual grouch for nine months and I HATE gaining even more weight. Pregnancy is really hard on Jay! =)
I have a hard time believing that God would wish that on me!
Okay, I'm done. I am over thinking this so much my brain is frying. I am going to pray, pray, pray and be submissive to whatever the answer is.
Thanks for all the input everybody!
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