Alright, I'm starting to give myself a brain freeze. Not from eating or drinking too fast but from endlessly searching for names that Jay and I can agree on. I am still not giving up all hope on Emery, but I do need to come up with a backup. I know there are tons of names out there, I've looked through my entire book of 100,000 baby names at least twice. And I mean LOOKED. I read every single name. Twice. Well, Jay says I'm burning myself out and so losing my ability to choose a "good" name when I see it. May I point out that he has not contributed even one name. He just says no to all of mine and never comes up with a new one himself. Those pesky dads...
So I am coming here. I am asking all of you to throw some names at me. They can't be overly common like William, Jordan, Matthew, etc. And I prefer them not to be trendy like Aiden, Bella, Mackenzie, etc. And please don't send me any that you are dying to name one of your future children, I mean what if I like it? And Jay likes it? And we decide to use it, then I would feel bad for "stealing" your name. I am mostly looking for boy names as I think we have agreed on a girl one. Maybe. But I would love either/or.
I would really appreciate it. I have strange names floating around in my head. Might I add for my husband's sake, bless his boring little soul, that extremely unusual names aren't going to fly around this place. I mean he did pick Adam after all. I like the name but you have to admit it's not very original.
Saturday, January 31, 2009
Friday, January 30, 2009
Stale-Mate
Is that the right term?
Well, I played my if-I-don't-get-a-daughter-can-I-at-least-have-my-favorite-boy-name card a few days early and it went something like this:
Me: "I really want a girl. I need a girl. What if it's a boy?"
Hubby: "I know, Sweetie. If it's a boy, you just have to trust that God decided that's what you need."
Me: "NO.I need a girl. Just like you needed a boy with Adam. I NEED a girl this time."
Hubby: "Well, ask God for one then."
Me: "I have been. Since Rowan was born.*groan* If it's a boy I feel really guilty for feeling this way, but....what if it's a boy?"
Hubby: *chuckles* "You'll love him every bit as much as you love the other two."
Me: "Well, can I at least name him my favorite boy name then?"
Hubby: "What's your favorite boy name?"
Me: "Emery."
Hubby: "Ugh. No way. I'm not naming my boy Emery."
Me: "Why?"
Hubby: "It's such a gay sounding name. It's wussy."
Me: "Oh brother, it is not. Emery Brandt, pleeease?"
Hubby: "No. It's a sissy name."
Me: "It means, industrious leader, how is that sissy?"
Hubby: "Honey..."
Me: "Rowan means, tree with red berries, how is Emery any sissier than that?"
Hubby: "Brandt Emery, maybe."
Me: "Only if everyone calls him Emery all the time."
Hubby: Rolls his eyes. "What's wrong with Brandt, I like Brandt."
Me: "Emery is better."
Hubby: "Why?"
Me: "It's more unique."
Hubby: "Yeah because it's gay!"
Me: "A person makes his name, not the other way around."
Hubby: "So you want people to think he's a sissy just off the cuff, until they get to know him?"
Me: "They won't! Only you would think that." Start to cry. "I just want a girl so bad and if it's not I at least want to name him my favorite name."
Hubby: Hugs me. "I know. I know. But hey, the odds are in our favor. The last two were boys and most of the other new babies have been boys. There's gotta be a girl in there somewhere."
Me: *Snort* "I don't believe in odds. It is whatever God wants it to be. I know he knows best but it doesn't change what I want."
Hubby: "I know. Keep praying. We'll find out on Tuesday and you'll feel better just knowing what it is."
Me: "There is no way on this earth she's going to say: It's a girl! I can't even imagine hearing those words. But I'm telling you right now, I'm not naming him anything but Emery."
Hubby: *SMILE*
So, that's where we stand on things. I think the next four days are going to drag by but what can I do? It is what it is, right? And I'll survive even if I never have a daughter. I can't shake the feeling that this is a boy. Not that I'm grumbling about having another boy, my other two are, after all, the greatest.
Well, I'm putting my cart before the horse, my instincts have not been confirmed. Just a little venting. I think the most upsetting part is that I really don't like any other name. It's not just a toss up for me, I really just don't care for the other names. I looked at all of the boy names in my book. None compare.
Maybe it's a good sign...
Well, I played my if-I-don't-get-a-daughter-can-I-at-least-have-my-favorite-boy-name card a few days early and it went something like this:
Me: "I really want a girl. I need a girl. What if it's a boy?"
Hubby: "I know, Sweetie. If it's a boy, you just have to trust that God decided that's what you need."
Me: "NO.I need a girl. Just like you needed a boy with Adam. I NEED a girl this time."
Hubby: "Well, ask God for one then."
Me: "I have been. Since Rowan was born.*groan* If it's a boy I feel really guilty for feeling this way, but....what if it's a boy?"
Hubby: *chuckles* "You'll love him every bit as much as you love the other two."
Me: "Well, can I at least name him my favorite boy name then?"
Hubby: "What's your favorite boy name?"
Me: "Emery."
Hubby: "Ugh. No way. I'm not naming my boy Emery."
Me: "Why?"
Hubby: "It's such a gay sounding name. It's wussy."
Me: "Oh brother, it is not. Emery Brandt, pleeease?"
Hubby: "No. It's a sissy name."
Me: "It means, industrious leader, how is that sissy?"
Hubby: "Honey..."
Me: "Rowan means, tree with red berries, how is Emery any sissier than that?"
Hubby: "Brandt Emery, maybe."
Me: "Only if everyone calls him Emery all the time."
Hubby: Rolls his eyes. "What's wrong with Brandt, I like Brandt."
Me: "Emery is better."
Hubby: "Why?"
Me: "It's more unique."
Hubby: "Yeah because it's gay!"
Me: "A person makes his name, not the other way around."
Hubby: "So you want people to think he's a sissy just off the cuff, until they get to know him?"
Me: "They won't! Only you would think that." Start to cry. "I just want a girl so bad and if it's not I at least want to name him my favorite name."
Hubby: Hugs me. "I know. I know. But hey, the odds are in our favor. The last two were boys and most of the other new babies have been boys. There's gotta be a girl in there somewhere."
Me: *Snort* "I don't believe in odds. It is whatever God wants it to be. I know he knows best but it doesn't change what I want."
Hubby: "I know. Keep praying. We'll find out on Tuesday and you'll feel better just knowing what it is."
Me: "There is no way on this earth she's going to say: It's a girl! I can't even imagine hearing those words. But I'm telling you right now, I'm not naming him anything but Emery."
Hubby: *SMILE*
So, that's where we stand on things. I think the next four days are going to drag by but what can I do? It is what it is, right? And I'll survive even if I never have a daughter. I can't shake the feeling that this is a boy. Not that I'm grumbling about having another boy, my other two are, after all, the greatest.
Well, I'm putting my cart before the horse, my instincts have not been confirmed. Just a little venting. I think the most upsetting part is that I really don't like any other name. It's not just a toss up for me, I really just don't care for the other names. I looked at all of the boy names in my book. None compare.
Maybe it's a good sign...
Monday, January 26, 2009
Goofball
This guy has been really full of it lately. He has been talking more and more and although he's generally pretty easy to please, he's also quite sassy at times.
Some of my favorite Rowster sayings are:
1)"Lady bug in my eye!" Translation: Something's bugging my eye.
2) "Light-ma QuQueen." Translation: Lightning McQueen.
3) "Not right now. Maybe later." Translation: I'm not doing what you say so bite me!
4) "I am Buzz Lightyear." Translation: I am Buzz Lightyear. He really thinks he is sometimes. And he really says it that clear too.
5) "Mama, we gotta go." Translation: Stop fixing your hair. He always tells me this when I'm doing my hair, even if we're not going anywhere.
6) "Mr. Kamano Head, please." Translation: Open Mr. Potato Head please.
I know there are more that I'm just not thinking of but these are his most common.
Rowster was in the bath the other night trying to blow more bubbles in his water and trying, at all costs, to avoid looking at me. I, on the other hand, was shouting and making funny noises and trying at all costs not to move my camera one iota while trying to get even one good shot. For some reason that is beyond my comprehension, my camera does not want to take a clear picture without the flash. Especially when the the lighting is poor like it is in my bathroom. So, these are a little blurry but I am feeling motivated to finally crack open that user manual sometime this week. Maybe, just maybe, I'll learn something. But for now, this is the best I am capable of.
Some of my favorite Rowster sayings are:
1)"Lady bug in my eye!" Translation: Something's bugging my eye.
2) "Light-ma QuQueen." Translation: Lightning McQueen.
3) "Not right now. Maybe later." Translation: I'm not doing what you say so bite me!
4) "I am Buzz Lightyear." Translation: I am Buzz Lightyear. He really thinks he is sometimes. And he really says it that clear too.
5) "Mama, we gotta go." Translation: Stop fixing your hair. He always tells me this when I'm doing my hair, even if we're not going anywhere.
6) "Mr. Kamano Head, please." Translation: Open Mr. Potato Head please.
I know there are more that I'm just not thinking of but these are his most common.
Rowster was in the bath the other night trying to blow more bubbles in his water and trying, at all costs, to avoid looking at me. I, on the other hand, was shouting and making funny noises and trying at all costs not to move my camera one iota while trying to get even one good shot. For some reason that is beyond my comprehension, my camera does not want to take a clear picture without the flash. Especially when the the lighting is poor like it is in my bathroom. So, these are a little blurry but I am feeling motivated to finally crack open that user manual sometime this week. Maybe, just maybe, I'll learn something. But for now, this is the best I am capable of.
Friday, January 23, 2009
An Embarrassing Moment
I am posting this for Karina, she tagged me. I already told one embarrassing moment on Lance's blog in his comments. But I thought after Karina's blush worthy post I had better come up with another one, or even two.
A lot of my most embarrassing moments have been in labor and delivery. Starting at the beginning of pregnancy with the dreaded exam. I'll not go into detail as some of you are not female but have wives and already get my drift. One of the most embarrassing parts is when little nurse tiny asks you step on the scale and seeing your look of dread says, "Oh, you can take off your shoes if you want." Yeah, like that's gonna shave 20 lbs. off my rear-end. But then you step on the scale and it reads somewhere around twice as much as itty-bitty on your left. That's only the beginning.
Then there is labor. And all that it entails.
While in labor with Adam I remember telling the anethesiologist that if I were to ever leave my husband it would be for him. *BLUSH* You say stupid stuff when you're in pain.
Then there is birth. And all that it entails.
Finally, you get to have people instructing you how to nurse your baby and you politely nod your head and wait for them to leave. They stand there and then say the dreaded words, "Let's see how you're doing with that." As if they haven't seen enough already.
Well, my embarassing moment falls after all of these.
I had lost quite a bit of blood giving birth to Adam. I ended up with over 50 stitches. Well, I passed out afterwards on my way to the bathroom. I couldn't stand up without blacking out so they had to put in a catheter. They also kept me two days after that.
On the afternoon of my third day there I was told I could pack up and go home any time I wished. I was so grateful but a little aprehensive as I was still getting dizzy when I would walk across the room. Anyway, my cousin's husband, Chris was there when the doctor told me that so he decided he would stay and help Jay carry our stuff to the truck. Well, he came back to the room before Jay did. Adam had just been fed, changed and bundled in his car seat for the first time, so I got up to grab some civilian clothes from my bag. As I walked across the room I felt warm, sticky fluid running down my legs and around my feet. My head was spinning and I instantly thought, BLOOD! Oh no, I'm bleeding again! I was too petrified to look down. I told Chris, "Grab a nurse. Something's wrong with me." He very quickly grabbed the first nurse walking by and brought her into the room. "What can I help you with?" she asks. I say,"Something is gushing out. I don't know what it is." Then we ALL look down to see a gigantic puddle of clear liquid all around my feet. The nurse got down and sniffed it! She actually stuck her nose down there and sniffed! Then horror of all horrors she says, "You're okay. It's just urine!" Jay walked in about then and I was so mortified that all I could tell him was, "I just peed my pants in front of Chris!"
Now, in my defense, the thing they didn't tell me as I was half-conscious the night of Adam's birth was that catheters can make you temporarily lose your sensation to pee. And they were pumping me so full of fluid to get my blood count up that my poor bladder got overloaded.
There is one of my embarrassing moments. I hope you enjoyed it as much as I did. *smile*
A lot of my most embarrassing moments have been in labor and delivery. Starting at the beginning of pregnancy with the dreaded exam. I'll not go into detail as some of you are not female but have wives and already get my drift. One of the most embarrassing parts is when little nurse tiny asks you step on the scale and seeing your look of dread says, "Oh, you can take off your shoes if you want." Yeah, like that's gonna shave 20 lbs. off my rear-end. But then you step on the scale and it reads somewhere around twice as much as itty-bitty on your left. That's only the beginning.
Then there is labor. And all that it entails.
While in labor with Adam I remember telling the anethesiologist that if I were to ever leave my husband it would be for him. *BLUSH* You say stupid stuff when you're in pain.
Then there is birth. And all that it entails.
Finally, you get to have people instructing you how to nurse your baby and you politely nod your head and wait for them to leave. They stand there and then say the dreaded words, "Let's see how you're doing with that." As if they haven't seen enough already.
Well, my embarassing moment falls after all of these.
I had lost quite a bit of blood giving birth to Adam. I ended up with over 50 stitches. Well, I passed out afterwards on my way to the bathroom. I couldn't stand up without blacking out so they had to put in a catheter. They also kept me two days after that.
On the afternoon of my third day there I was told I could pack up and go home any time I wished. I was so grateful but a little aprehensive as I was still getting dizzy when I would walk across the room. Anyway, my cousin's husband, Chris was there when the doctor told me that so he decided he would stay and help Jay carry our stuff to the truck. Well, he came back to the room before Jay did. Adam had just been fed, changed and bundled in his car seat for the first time, so I got up to grab some civilian clothes from my bag. As I walked across the room I felt warm, sticky fluid running down my legs and around my feet. My head was spinning and I instantly thought, BLOOD! Oh no, I'm bleeding again! I was too petrified to look down. I told Chris, "Grab a nurse. Something's wrong with me." He very quickly grabbed the first nurse walking by and brought her into the room. "What can I help you with?" she asks. I say,"Something is gushing out. I don't know what it is." Then we ALL look down to see a gigantic puddle of clear liquid all around my feet. The nurse got down and sniffed it! She actually stuck her nose down there and sniffed! Then horror of all horrors she says, "You're okay. It's just urine!" Jay walked in about then and I was so mortified that all I could tell him was, "I just peed my pants in front of Chris!"
Now, in my defense, the thing they didn't tell me as I was half-conscious the night of Adam's birth was that catheters can make you temporarily lose your sensation to pee. And they were pumping me so full of fluid to get my blood count up that my poor bladder got overloaded.
There is one of my embarrassing moments. I hope you enjoyed it as much as I did. *smile*
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
"Taiter" Creations
Aunt Tessie bought Taiter a huge set of Mr. Potato Head toys for Christmas and more for his birthday. My boys have been having a lot of fun with them. They are getting very good at putting them together. It keeps them occupied for quite a while. Thanks Tessie!
These are some of Adam's special potatoes. I'm really sorry as the lighting was poor and they are a bit blurry.
I'm not quite sure what happened to this cowboy but I think he took a bullet.
Monday, January 12, 2009
Everybody!
Wow, I can hardly believe that I am nearly half way through this pregnancy. This time it has passed so quickly that I wonder what I whined about so much the first two times. Of course I may remember closer to June!
Anyhow, I have an appointment scheduled for an ultra sound in three weeks so I thought it would be fun to have you all guess what I'm having. Yes, much to my husband's dismay I have twisted his arm far enough that he has agreed to let me find out what this baby is. We didn't know with Taiter and we did with Rowster. Jay insists that it's awful to ruin God's surprise but the suspense is killing me! Plus, if it's a girl we have NOTHING to clothe her in. Well, we have lots of boy winter clothes but my heart rebels against dressing her in those. I long for a daughter and if I am blessed with one I want to take advantage of the "girlie" things.
Over on the right I have place a poll where you can guess "boy" or "girl" but I would love to know who guessed what. So if you could leave a comment on this post and tell me what you guessed, I'd have a lot of fun! Oh! And in three weeks I will reveal the answer of course.
Have a good one!
Anyhow, I have an appointment scheduled for an ultra sound in three weeks so I thought it would be fun to have you all guess what I'm having. Yes, much to my husband's dismay I have twisted his arm far enough that he has agreed to let me find out what this baby is. We didn't know with Taiter and we did with Rowster. Jay insists that it's awful to ruin God's surprise but the suspense is killing me! Plus, if it's a girl we have NOTHING to clothe her in. Well, we have lots of boy winter clothes but my heart rebels against dressing her in those. I long for a daughter and if I am blessed with one I want to take advantage of the "girlie" things.
Over on the right I have place a poll where you can guess "boy" or "girl" but I would love to know who guessed what. So if you could leave a comment on this post and tell me what you guessed, I'd have a lot of fun! Oh! And in three weeks I will reveal the answer of course.
Have a good one!
Thursday, January 8, 2009
My Worst Nightmare
I threw Jay an evil-eye glance as he opened the door and let him in. Why is he letting him in the house? It must have been the thousandth time I had thought that very thing in the last thirty seconds. He knew who the guy was. I knew who the guy was. I did NOT want him anywhere near my home, let alone in it!
Jay had explained to me where he had met this man. He had told me that he felt burdened to share God's love with him. I asked him why he couldn't share it on another planet but he just gave me that "shame-on-you" look that I hate. So after much fighting and prayer, Jay invited him to do something and somehow, much against our better judgement, this weirdo had followed Jay to our house.
They stood in the doorway talking as I tried to figure out how quickly we could sell the house and change all of our names. Suddenly Jay was walking out the door and telling me he'd be right back. He said he needed something at the neighbors over his shoulder on his way out.
There I stood clutching my boys and staring at the man. I wanted to vanish with my children into thin air. He seemed very casual and at ease. This really irritated me. He said a few nice things about the house and I started talking about the remodel that took nine months. He asked for something. I don't remember what. Maybe the bathroom? I led him down the hall. I turned to show him the bathroom door and he wasn't behind me. I walked back into the living room where Adam stood looking out the open door. Where's Rowan? I frantically thought. But I already knew. He was gone. He was with the most notorious pedifile in the country.
I ran out the door screaming instructions to Adam and screaming for Jay all at once. A woman walking by outside stops and asks if I'm okay. I ask her if she saw them. I absently realize it's summer. She asks who. I tell her a man with a small boy. She says they just got on a motorcycle and went that way. She points the direction of the highway. I start pelting her with questions. What does the bike look like? Did you see a plate on it? What kind? What color? Was the child at least secured?
Jay is back. He is looking at me like I've lost my mind. I scream at him. Somehow he gets the message that Rowan has been kidnapped. He starts asking the woman even more questions. By now more neighbors have come too see what the commotion is about. I listen carefully as the woman describes what she saw. After I have enough information I run inside and dial 911.
By the time the police arrive Rowan has been missing for 45 minutes.
I answer all of there questions. Three times. I start to get upset because they aren't looking they are interrogating ME. They ask for the fifth time what Rowan was wearing and I start sobbing because I can't remember. I can't remember what he was wearing the last time I saw him. They try to comfort me and I really lose it. I tell them I will not sit here and answer their questions, that I'm going to find my baby. They don't stop me.
Jay and I follow them around for hours. Looking. I finally remember to pray. The first thing I pray is that I will wake up. This can't be real. Please wake me up now, God. Please. I don't wake up.
By night time they have found the bike. It's at an old dumpy place with junk all around. The man there says that there was a guy with a little boy who came on the bike and traded for a clunky old pickup. The officers are searching through the junk. The man tells them what the pickup looks like and says that the other guy told him the boy was his son. I lose it again and keep praying to wake up.
Some of the police leave to look for the old truck and some of them keep looking through the junk. I want to see Adam.
We have a very long night.
The police keep us informed but there is really nothing to tell us. They found a bunch of stuff that the pedifile had ditched. They find Rowan's clothes. They tell me this just means he changed his appearance so he would be harder to recognize. I ask if they really think I would ever have a hard time recognizing my own son. The officer at our house just shifts uncomfortably.
It's morning and they have not found them. Some think they went over the border to Canada. It's been 24 hours since my baby was taken.
I am praying different now. I pray that he is not being tortured or...the unthinkable. I start praying that they find his body instead. That somehow my baby has been spared the ugliness of this world and has gone on to the next.
People are all around me. I know them all. They are praying and saying comforting things and all I can think to respond is, "Not knowing will kill me." I no longer hope to wake up. I hope to die.
I feel very uncomfortable and I can tell that I'm rolling over repeatedly. My head clears and I am suddenly very awake. Jay is restless too. I lean over him to see the clock. 4:47 a.m. Jay asks, "What?"
A wave of relief washes over me and I say, "I just had the worst nightmare ever." Jay hugs me close and says,"I'm sorry." Then he's asleep again. I lie awake for a little while.
"Thank you Lord. Thank you for waking me up," my heart sings as I go back to a dreamless sleep.
Yes, this is how I spent my night and morning today. This is probably the worst nightmare I've ever had. I was so relieved when I woke up that I couldn't cry. Now I've spent the rest of the morning trying not to cry. I have to say that this is one of my biggest fears.
Please pray for me today. I am feeling very out of sorts because of this dream.
Jay had explained to me where he had met this man. He had told me that he felt burdened to share God's love with him. I asked him why he couldn't share it on another planet but he just gave me that "shame-on-you" look that I hate. So after much fighting and prayer, Jay invited him to do something and somehow, much against our better judgement, this weirdo had followed Jay to our house.
They stood in the doorway talking as I tried to figure out how quickly we could sell the house and change all of our names. Suddenly Jay was walking out the door and telling me he'd be right back. He said he needed something at the neighbors over his shoulder on his way out.
There I stood clutching my boys and staring at the man. I wanted to vanish with my children into thin air. He seemed very casual and at ease. This really irritated me. He said a few nice things about the house and I started talking about the remodel that took nine months. He asked for something. I don't remember what. Maybe the bathroom? I led him down the hall. I turned to show him the bathroom door and he wasn't behind me. I walked back into the living room where Adam stood looking out the open door. Where's Rowan? I frantically thought. But I already knew. He was gone. He was with the most notorious pedifile in the country.
I ran out the door screaming instructions to Adam and screaming for Jay all at once. A woman walking by outside stops and asks if I'm okay. I ask her if she saw them. I absently realize it's summer. She asks who. I tell her a man with a small boy. She says they just got on a motorcycle and went that way. She points the direction of the highway. I start pelting her with questions. What does the bike look like? Did you see a plate on it? What kind? What color? Was the child at least secured?
Jay is back. He is looking at me like I've lost my mind. I scream at him. Somehow he gets the message that Rowan has been kidnapped. He starts asking the woman even more questions. By now more neighbors have come too see what the commotion is about. I listen carefully as the woman describes what she saw. After I have enough information I run inside and dial 911.
By the time the police arrive Rowan has been missing for 45 minutes.
I answer all of there questions. Three times. I start to get upset because they aren't looking they are interrogating ME. They ask for the fifth time what Rowan was wearing and I start sobbing because I can't remember. I can't remember what he was wearing the last time I saw him. They try to comfort me and I really lose it. I tell them I will not sit here and answer their questions, that I'm going to find my baby. They don't stop me.
Jay and I follow them around for hours. Looking. I finally remember to pray. The first thing I pray is that I will wake up. This can't be real. Please wake me up now, God. Please. I don't wake up.
By night time they have found the bike. It's at an old dumpy place with junk all around. The man there says that there was a guy with a little boy who came on the bike and traded for a clunky old pickup. The officers are searching through the junk. The man tells them what the pickup looks like and says that the other guy told him the boy was his son. I lose it again and keep praying to wake up.
Some of the police leave to look for the old truck and some of them keep looking through the junk. I want to see Adam.
We have a very long night.
The police keep us informed but there is really nothing to tell us. They found a bunch of stuff that the pedifile had ditched. They find Rowan's clothes. They tell me this just means he changed his appearance so he would be harder to recognize. I ask if they really think I would ever have a hard time recognizing my own son. The officer at our house just shifts uncomfortably.
It's morning and they have not found them. Some think they went over the border to Canada. It's been 24 hours since my baby was taken.
I am praying different now. I pray that he is not being tortured or...the unthinkable. I start praying that they find his body instead. That somehow my baby has been spared the ugliness of this world and has gone on to the next.
People are all around me. I know them all. They are praying and saying comforting things and all I can think to respond is, "Not knowing will kill me." I no longer hope to wake up. I hope to die.
I feel very uncomfortable and I can tell that I'm rolling over repeatedly. My head clears and I am suddenly very awake. Jay is restless too. I lean over him to see the clock. 4:47 a.m. Jay asks, "What?"
A wave of relief washes over me and I say, "I just had the worst nightmare ever." Jay hugs me close and says,"I'm sorry." Then he's asleep again. I lie awake for a little while.
"Thank you Lord. Thank you for waking me up," my heart sings as I go back to a dreamless sleep.
Yes, this is how I spent my night and morning today. This is probably the worst nightmare I've ever had. I was so relieved when I woke up that I couldn't cry. Now I've spent the rest of the morning trying not to cry. I have to say that this is one of my biggest fears.
Please pray for me today. I am feeling very out of sorts because of this dream.
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
How You've Grown
Dear Adam,
Today is your fourth birthday. Time has flown over the last few years and I can hardly believe the way you've grown. Yet, at the same time, it seems I've never lived a day without you. You seem to have been with me always.
You are such a big boy now. Just a year ago you weren't even able to go without a diaper throughout the day. Now you don't even need them at night. You eat like a horse and usually put away more food in one meal than I do. Your vocabulary amazes me as it always has. I love it when you say, "I have decided..." or "OKay, these are our choices..." something about it makes me smile inside. Hearing your prayers brings tears to my eyes. And when you walk around saying,"As for me and my house, we serve the Lord!" I can scarcely hold in my overwhelming sensation of gratitude that God would share such a boy with me.
Every day I realize more and more that you are special and that you need special care. Sometimes I feel I need to be even more tender than the day you were born. You are so passionate about certain things and so non-chalant about others. You are a ball of solid energy and my head spins trying to keep up with you.
You are somewhat moody like me and this has been a struggle. Sometimes I am at a complete loss as to what to do with you. However hard it gets, I am so thankful and so blessed to able to stay home with you every day. I wouldn't give that up for anything. Through the ups and downs of our life I realize that it is ALL worth it, every second. Afterall, I get to spend each day with the one who made me that most precious thing called, Mother. That one was you and you will always be special to me.
Always remember that I love you. If there ever comes a day when I am unable to tell you, remember most of that God loves you.
Happy Birthday to My Big Boy!
I love you always and forever,
Love,
Mommy
Today is your fourth birthday. Time has flown over the last few years and I can hardly believe the way you've grown. Yet, at the same time, it seems I've never lived a day without you. You seem to have been with me always.
You are such a big boy now. Just a year ago you weren't even able to go without a diaper throughout the day. Now you don't even need them at night. You eat like a horse and usually put away more food in one meal than I do. Your vocabulary amazes me as it always has. I love it when you say, "I have decided..." or "OKay, these are our choices..." something about it makes me smile inside. Hearing your prayers brings tears to my eyes. And when you walk around saying,"As for me and my house, we serve the Lord!" I can scarcely hold in my overwhelming sensation of gratitude that God would share such a boy with me.
Every day I realize more and more that you are special and that you need special care. Sometimes I feel I need to be even more tender than the day you were born. You are so passionate about certain things and so non-chalant about others. You are a ball of solid energy and my head spins trying to keep up with you.
You are somewhat moody like me and this has been a struggle. Sometimes I am at a complete loss as to what to do with you. However hard it gets, I am so thankful and so blessed to able to stay home with you every day. I wouldn't give that up for anything. Through the ups and downs of our life I realize that it is ALL worth it, every second. Afterall, I get to spend each day with the one who made me that most precious thing called, Mother. That one was you and you will always be special to me.
Always remember that I love you. If there ever comes a day when I am unable to tell you, remember most of that God loves you.
Happy Birthday to My Big Boy!
I love you always and forever,
Love,
Mommy
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