Dreams

I am on my hands and knees scrubbing a bathroom of solid white tile. I am crying because I cannot get the grout clean and another maid (who looks a lot like Shelby's mom but is not) is telling me to hurry and get it clean. I know the consequences of not doing a good enough job and I am very afraid.

Suddenly I am summoned to his office and I am shaking but trying my hardest to look pleasant. I am a slave and I know my very life depends on how good of a slave I can be. I also know that my entire family was brutally murdered in concentration camps because they were Christians. And most of all I know being called to his office is a very bad thing.

I follow a man through the door and stand at a desk. I can't really tell what the man behind it looks like but he is speaking to the others in the room. I realize what they are talking about and I start to panic. They want to use me to bear his offspring. I don't know what to do, what to say. I am sent back to finish cleaning the bathroom and told I will be summoned that night. I am crying again and the Aunt Cindy look-a-like tells me I should feel blessed that he didn't want me killed. I tell her that I would rather die than do this. She tells me to be quiet and we hear footsteps in the hallway.

In a bizzarre twist my dad steps in and tells me he has someone who will get me out of there. I ask how he is even alive and he doesn't have time to explain but tells me how I must get out.

That night a man comes to get me and I am afraid that he has summoned me for him. But instead he takes me outside of the large building I am in and to an old abandoned factory full of refugees. I understand that these people are Christians. He then tells me that he is the brother of the man who is now in charge of our country. No one knows about him. He became a Follower of Christ because of the great faith of those being slaughtered in the "correctional camps".

It is at this point that I notice a girl with dark hair and brown eyes among the group. I start weeping and rush to embrace her when I recognize that she is my little sister, Tessa. I cannot believe she is alive and they tell me how this man told the camp officials that he had killed her when he had actually spared her and brought her to this place. We all rejoice and start praising God.

Then there is confusion and men start filing in with guns. One of them is the man's brother and he grabs my sister. He is going to take her away. I start screaming and praying all at once. I tell him to leave her alone. He says he's going to kill her on the spot.

The brother who loves God steps forward and says that he will turn himself in if they let the rest of us go. People all around start crying. I say that it is because of me that they were all found. He explains that he is what his brother really wants because he is viewed as his biggest threat. The man in charge agrees to this arrangement and lets go of my sister.

Then this man, this one who had rescued me and my sister turns to hug me good-bye. I hear a shot and he stiffens briefly then goes limp. I stumble under his weight and he falls to the floor where blood pools beneath him. He tells me not to lose faith and then he dies.

* * * * * * *

This was the point in my dream where I woke up. I had tears streaming out of my eyes and my throat was on fire. I crawled out of bed and went downstairs. My mom was in the bathroom getting ready for work and she asked me what was wrong. I sobbed out my dream and she told me it was only a dream. I went to the living room and sat in the dark. I simply could not stop crying. I sat there bawling my eyes out for a half an hour before my mom told me to stop and go get ready for school.

Well, I didn't stop crying just then but I did go and get ready for school. I was about fifteen at the time and the dream still upsets me to this day. It was so vivid and real to me. I honestly felt like it was going to happen.

I have only had two other dreams that have felt this real to me. One was that Adam was kidnapped when he was a baby and I woke up crying. I told Jay to go check on him because I was afraid he wasn't going to be there.

In the Bible many people had dreams that actually meant something. I took the kidnapping one to mean that I had to trust God to take care of my baby even when I couldn't and to watch him super close while shopping at Costco! =) I don't know what the other dream means if anything at all. I remember my mom laughing and saying that it was only a dream but I've often wondered, was it only a dream?






By the way, this guy's brother was half black.



Yeah.


I can only assume that if his brother, unknown of brother, is half black, then so is he.



(Twilight Zone music starts)

My Turn!

Okay, so Lyle and Terah have got me hooked on the name thing so I had to do one too. Keep in mind that these are my picks, not Jay's. We simply can't agree on another boy name so I guess it's a blessing that we have 7 more months to come up with something. Terah jokes that we should name him GUY.

Boys:
Emery-industrious leader
Gresham-village in the pasture
Landry-ruler
Brandt-proud
Ambrose-immortal



Girls:
Averil- april; opening buds of spring
Danae-she who judges
Jaine-God is gracious
Lucile-light
Bella-beautiful

Well, those are my top picks. Before any of you get too critical, let me explain my choices. Emery is my all-time favorite boy name but Jay hates it so this will most likely not be happening. Jay likes Brandt, I like it more for a middle name. We already have our girl name picked out, I was just curious to hear your input. Lucile was my great-grandma's name and she was one of my favorite people. She really loved the Lord and it was evident. Her name and the meaning fit her perfectly. This would also most likely be a middle name.

Can't wait to hear your opinions!

The Curse

Well, I'm finally feeling it. The dreaded pregnancy curse a.k.a. "morning sickness". There are moments in my day, such as 11:59 a.m. and on, when I marvel at the fact that it is called morning sickness. I mean, when it turns noon it's no longer morning and therefore the sickness should go away, right? Apparently not.

The last two weeks I have had nausea from the time I get up until the time I go to bed. Most of the times it is a mild car-sick feeling but there are moments, boy are there ever moments, when it rages out of control. Like when I smell bacon or the corn chowder I made the other night. Or when I'm changing a stinky diaper (Hey! It makes me sick now. That's my story and I'm st-st-stickin' t-to it!). This week has been the hardest of all but I am feeling better today than I was yesterday, so that's a plus.

I realize that I'm quite whimpy when it comes to this. I have never handled the stomach thing well, even when I was little. Also, I did not have morning sickness with the boys so this is new to me. If I could lay on the couch all day and never get up, I think I'd feel fine. Really! However, I have two rowdy little boys that need to be tended to and so the seasickness continues.

Well, those afore mentioned chillins' are in bed so I'd better rest a bit too before they wake up.

The Cloth

Good afternoon.

I think it's good. The weather is beautiful. Sun shining. Perfect temperatures. Pretty leaves. And so on. The boys and I even went out to rake leaves and play in them for about 45 minutes before nap. The only thing is I'm feeling nauseaous to the gills for the last couple of hours. So, if this post seems a little bizarre it's because my mind is elsewhere(in my stomach to be exact).

Last night I dreamed one of those weird pregnancy dreams. The last few weeks my night-time brain has been filled with spiders and billions of baby boys but last night it was all about cloth diapers. I had my precious baby to hold, although it never made an appearance, and disposable diapers just would not do! This was very strange as I have never used cloth diapers on my own children. In my dream the baby needed a diaper and I was seriously in a panic because we had no cloth ones. I absolutely refused to put a disposable on it.

Anyway, this got me to thinking about cloth diapers and I researched it somewhat when I got up this morning. I have to say, other than the long-run money issue, I don't understand why people use them. The idea of scraping or rinsing goopy-poopy off of a cloth 11tybillion times a week is just not appealing to me. I once threw away a pair of underwear that Adam pooed in simply because I refuse to wash them.(After the penny incident the underwear don't seem that awful) Plus, I've heard that you can't really bleach them and this bothers me almost more. I like my whites to be as white as possible and bodily fluid stains are yucky. The initial cost of them is much much more than disposables as well. Of course this is a one-time price for each size but it is still kinda spendy to start with.

The good things that I've heard are, like I said before, they are much cheaper in the long run, they are softer for baby to wear, and children seem to be easier to potty train when wearing cloth diapers.

I don't know, I am kicking around the idea of trying it this time. Rowan goes through about $40-$50 a month in diapers right now. I do plan on having him trained by June but he'll probably still need them at night. The real problem for me is that I don't think Jay will really be keen on the cloth diaper thing. He likes to wrap it all up and get rid of it! Also, I know that I won't be using them the first few weeks because of that delightful tar-like stuff and lack of energy to do extra washing. Nor will I be likely to use them while out and about.

I'm just thinking out loud and kicking around the idea of it.

A little funny:

Earlier today, Adam was looking at a photo album and telling Rowan who everybody was. Well, they stumbled across a picture of Jay's sister and Adam said, "That's Aunt Deanna, Ro." Rowan then began chanting, "An' Banana, An' Banana." I've tried correcting him a few times but she is just his An' Banana as far as he's concerned. =)

A Sweet Moment

Well, my last post sounded desperate and whiney so I though that I'd try to cheer things up a bit.

Though Adam can be troublesome, he has his sweet moments too. This was a month or so ago. He picked me a boquet of pretty flowers and then posed nicely for a good ten minutes while I messed with my camera. It was quite adorable.

Please Pray

I have been debating on whether or not to post this, but I feel that I am at a complete loss and need help, so here I go.

I am asking you all to please pray for me and for Adam. I don't know what is going on but I am having trouble with this guy a lot lately. He doesn't obey me and he is being very selfish and mean to other children. He is getting mouthy and sometimes will just stare at me and flat out tell me no when I tell him to do something. If his brother even thinks about touching one of his toys, he flips out and starts screaming at him. When he doesn't get his way he throws his head back and screams until his face is purple and nothing I do or say to him gets through.

Now, I don't want you all thinking that he is just some awful, undisciplined, bratty kid, because he is not. He is such a joy. I just feel as though I am failing him terribly. I don't know what to do. Jay helps as much as he can but Adam just doesn't act like that for him. He seems almost numb to my discipline. And I confess, I lose my temper a lot with him lately.

I don't even know what to say. I am just at a loss as to what to do. I feel like it is a lost cause. I do know that he needs more one on one time with me and I am doing my best to remedy that. Please pray for us. I want my son to grow up loving God and seeing Him in his mother, not resenting God and watching his mom lose it and freak out on him. It makes me just sick to think about the last few days. Please, if you have any advice, I'm willing to listen and try it. If you don't, please please pray for me and my precious boy.

Thanks for listening.

Streusel-Topped Pumpkin Pie

Well, apparently the pie was a hit yesterday at the church lunch. I had I think four people ask me for the recipe. Funny, I've never made it before. But alas, I cannot take credit because I found it in the Taste of Home magazine. All I did was follow instructions. But for those of you who asked and actually read the blog, here it is:

1 Sheet refrigerated pie pastry (I made my own)
3 eggs
1 can(15 oz.) pumpkin
1-1/2 cups heavy whipping cream
1/2 cup sugar
1/4 cup packed brown sugar
1-1/2 teaspoons cinnamon
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/4 teaspoon ground allspice
1/4 teaspoon ground nutmeg
1/4 teaspoon ground cloves
Streusel:
1 cup flour
1/2 cup packed brown sugar
1/2 cup cold butter
1/2 cup chopped walnuts

On a lightly floured surface, unroll pastry. Transfer to a 9-in. pie plate. Trim pastry to 1/2 in. beyond edge of plate; flute edges.

In a large bowl, whisk the eggs, pumpkin, cream, sugars, cinnamon, salt, and spices. Pour into pastry shell. Bake at 350 for 40 min.

In a small bowl, combine flour and brown sugar; cut in butter until crumbly. Stir in walnuts and sprinkle gently over filling.

Bake 15-25 minutes longer or until knife inserted near center comes out clean. Cool on a wire rack. Refrigerate leftovers.