I don't really know where to start with this post but I know I want to post it. I have an urge to let you all know what an amazing man I have. Those of you who know him, know that he is, indeed, amazing. But you don't really know how amazing. How completely and utterly wonderful he is. So let me inform you...
Back in April of this year, I found myself very large and pregnant, homeschooling, and entirely stressed out. Hardly a day went by when I didn't call my beloved husband ranting and raving or soaked in a puddle of tears. I assumed I was simply pregnant as I don't tend to handle it well. Something about hormones & weight gain & whatnot. And so did he. So he patiently endured my meltdowns knowing there was an end in sight. After all, May 11th (my due date) and the end of the school year would soon be here. And yes, there were days he not so patiently endured my verbal beatings.
Well, somewhere along the line I exposed myself to some really horrible things and while I could go on all day about how careful we should be about what we put in our minds, that's not what this post is about. So moving on, my dear hubby had been suffering from allergies for quite some time and took up snoring as his favorite nighttime hobby. And I mean it was an all.night.hobby. Which combined with the aches and pains of being 8 months pregnant, meant no sleep for me. Add to that the exposure to scary things and you have one deadly combination. Which we soon found out.
By the middle of the month we were planning our anniversary date. I had been mulling over scary scenarios for about a week at that point and I finally confessed them to my sweet husband over dinner. I have to admit, I was nervous. What would he think when he found out the horrid thoughts running through my mind? He wasn't exactly pleased but he was so sweet about it that it made me feel comfortable telling him when they got especially bad. If he had been harsh or judgemental I would have never felt that I could share with him. And if I hadn't shared with him I don't know what would have happened but i do know it would have been quite dire.
Over the next couple of days it got worse. Much worse. Until finally I was unable to function outside of these horrible thoughts. I could not care for the children, I could not cook, clean, or eat, I didn't shower or get dressed unless I had to. My digestive system didn't work properly. I lost 8 lbs. in six days. I completely fell apart. And what did Jay do? He took off work. He cooked. He cleaned. He took care of the kids. He stood over me while forcing me to eat. He told me over and over that the thoughts weren't real. That I wasn't a terrible monster. He stayed up all night praying & crying with me. He called our church family and asked them to pray over me. He held me while I shivered and shook from the panic attacks. And when we finally realized that it wasn't just a spiritual attack, that maybe there was something really wrong with me, he checked me into the hospital. On our anniversary.
I know that leaving me there that night was probably the hardest thing either of us has ever had to do. Jay was so sad and I tried hard not to cry or beg him to take me home. I think he would have but we both knew that something was wrong and I needed help. Jay left me there and when he got to the parking lot he made sure to find my window and wave to me.
The next morning he was there as early as possible. He had fed the kids and gotten them dressed and dropped them off with my mom or sister, I can't remember. Then he drove 45 minutes to the hospital and I think he was there by 9:00 am. We went in to talk to the doctor and I was diagnosed. depression and compulsive thoughts. Evidently post partum depression can hit before you have the baby. Sweet.
The next few days were spent focusing on getting me some sleep. Hello Ambien! Apparently insomnia is part of it too. And Jay was on a mission. I mean for the remainder of my pregnancy he made sure that I got 8 hours each night and a nap every day.
Things got a little better but not great. We celebrated Jay's 30th birthday. And then finally, four days late, we had a baby. Of course, I couldn't have an epidural but that's another story.
All of that to say, for the last four months, I have seen my husband in a whole new light. He encourages me on bad days. He makes sure I am taking care of myself. He spends time with me whenever he can. H has become so much more Christlike. He is a true servant. and the most loving husband to ever live.
He patiently abides my bad days, telling me as many times as I need to hear it, that I will get better. He makes sure I have help and that I get out of the house whenever possible, often offering to watch the kids. If there is something I need he doesn't hesitate to provide it. Yet, he does not let me walk all over him. He is not a sissy, but a godly, loving, sweet, wonderful, kind, compassionate, MAN.
And I love him.
I wish everybody could see him like I do. But then again, I'd probably be jealous! =)
Monday, August 13, 2012
Wednesday, August 8, 2012
Ten
1. I miss blogging. Seems everyone has swapped to FB. I have really slacked off as it feels lonely here in blogland & it seems I can rarely find the time. So I am going to try and post twice a week. I don't want these days to slip by & not have any way to look back on them.
2. My baby has a freckle on his left shoulder blade sort of near the pit area. I adore it. I didn't know babies could get freckles.
3. School starts 4 weeks from today & our boys are still not enrolled. We have been waiting for the money. I have very mixed emotions.
4. Have you seen these kid lunches? Search Bento kids lunches & check out the crazy lunches people make for their kids. I only wish I had the time & ambition to do this kind of stuff.
5. I am not a fan of Big & Rich but their new song is a definite keeper. Check it out: That's why I Pray.
6. Week two of my running program is under way. I am loving it so far. I am also still working on walking in the mornings. I have decided it is easier to do my running in the evening on the treadmill. That way I can clock my times easier.
7. I can't seem to get my appetite under control. I am in the habit of eating all the time. Large quantities too. I have gained 5 pounds since Garhett was born. Trying to find the mindset to get this under control. It's a hard habit to break.
8. My health seems to be returning although I have setbacks now & then. Today was one of them. I am going to try cutting down on sugar, I've read it may help. Anybody have any advice on battling depression? These compulsive thoughts seem to be persistent on bad days.
9. Still trying to get my house deep-cleaned. I never thought it would be so hard to get going. Struggling to just keep up right now let alone anything extra.
10. It's hot. I am not a fan.(ha ha) When it comes to temperature, I am a big whimp.
2. My baby has a freckle on his left shoulder blade sort of near the pit area. I adore it. I didn't know babies could get freckles.
3. School starts 4 weeks from today & our boys are still not enrolled. We have been waiting for the money. I have very mixed emotions.
4. Have you seen these kid lunches? Search Bento kids lunches & check out the crazy lunches people make for their kids. I only wish I had the time & ambition to do this kind of stuff.
5. I am not a fan of Big & Rich but their new song is a definite keeper. Check it out: That's why I Pray.
6. Week two of my running program is under way. I am loving it so far. I am also still working on walking in the mornings. I have decided it is easier to do my running in the evening on the treadmill. That way I can clock my times easier.
7. I can't seem to get my appetite under control. I am in the habit of eating all the time. Large quantities too. I have gained 5 pounds since Garhett was born. Trying to find the mindset to get this under control. It's a hard habit to break.
8. My health seems to be returning although I have setbacks now & then. Today was one of them. I am going to try cutting down on sugar, I've read it may help. Anybody have any advice on battling depression? These compulsive thoughts seem to be persistent on bad days.
9. Still trying to get my house deep-cleaned. I never thought it would be so hard to get going. Struggling to just keep up right now let alone anything extra.
10. It's hot. I am not a fan.(ha ha) When it comes to temperature, I am a big whimp.
Thursday, August 2, 2012
10 on tuesday
1. I actually started the running program last night! And it was doable. I even sort of enjoyed it because it wasn't overly strenuous. So 1 down, 26 to go. Today was on "off" day so I walked this morning and it felt great!
2. My baby has been sleeping through the night. Otherwise I probably wouldn't even consider a running program.
3. While grocery shopping today, my daughter threw such a large tantrum that she made herself puke.
Nice.
Mom swears it's her version of sibling rivalry against Rhett.
4. I actually bought school supplies today. As in, my kids are going to a school that requires certain supplies. As in, my kids are going to a school. I think. I keep going back & forth on it and we haven't actually enrolled them but I am fairly certain we are going to do it for this year. I think it will be a nice reprieve for all of us and that it will give me some quality time with Avril & Rhett. Not to mention that I will actually be glad to spend time with the older two by the afternoon instead of being tired of dealing with them. I know that sounds terrible but I really have days like that while homeschooling. I am just simply "done" by the time school is finished and I have to catch up on everything else. Hopefully this will remedy that.
5. I have been thinking about doing this with Avril. I think she would really enjoy the one on one time with Mommy and learn a lot too. It may also be the curriculum we use for all of the kids next year. (thanks for the tip Shelby!).
6. At Rhett's last appointment he weighed 12 lbs. 10 oz & was 25 inches long. He may wind up being our tallest child. Although I think he & Adam will be close.
7. I have Jr. Church for the month of August. We are going to be studying Fruit of the Spirit and I have a couple of simple crafts that I am really excited about. So, if you have children in my class & you read this blog, be sure not to put your kiddos in anything that you'd be really disappointed if it got paint on it.
8. We had a yard sale on Saturday and my boys made $30 off of their stuff. Plus Adam found a $50 bill floating around the driveway that they got to split. they each have forty-something dollars now. Adam is determined to get an ipod. Rowan wants a Lego set.
9. I need a girls' day/night. Just something simple. Preferably without the kids. Not that I don't love them but you know. Heck, I'd even settle for a date with my husband! =)
10. It's time to get Avril's room done. It's driving me crazy. I don't even like walking past it right now. It is a cluttered mess. Maybe Jay can help me with it this weekend.
****note: I did write most of this Tuesday, i just didn't get it posted until Thursday.
2. My baby has been sleeping through the night. Otherwise I probably wouldn't even consider a running program.
3. While grocery shopping today, my daughter threw such a large tantrum that she made herself puke.
Nice.
Mom swears it's her version of sibling rivalry against Rhett.
4. I actually bought school supplies today. As in, my kids are going to a school that requires certain supplies. As in, my kids are going to a school. I think. I keep going back & forth on it and we haven't actually enrolled them but I am fairly certain we are going to do it for this year. I think it will be a nice reprieve for all of us and that it will give me some quality time with Avril & Rhett. Not to mention that I will actually be glad to spend time with the older two by the afternoon instead of being tired of dealing with them. I know that sounds terrible but I really have days like that while homeschooling. I am just simply "done" by the time school is finished and I have to catch up on everything else. Hopefully this will remedy that.
5. I have been thinking about doing this with Avril. I think she would really enjoy the one on one time with Mommy and learn a lot too. It may also be the curriculum we use for all of the kids next year. (thanks for the tip Shelby!).
6. At Rhett's last appointment he weighed 12 lbs. 10 oz & was 25 inches long. He may wind up being our tallest child. Although I think he & Adam will be close.
7. I have Jr. Church for the month of August. We are going to be studying Fruit of the Spirit and I have a couple of simple crafts that I am really excited about. So, if you have children in my class & you read this blog, be sure not to put your kiddos in anything that you'd be really disappointed if it got paint on it.
8. We had a yard sale on Saturday and my boys made $30 off of their stuff. Plus Adam found a $50 bill floating around the driveway that they got to split. they each have forty-something dollars now. Adam is determined to get an ipod. Rowan wants a Lego set.
9. I need a girls' day/night. Just something simple. Preferably without the kids. Not that I don't love them but you know. Heck, I'd even settle for a date with my husband! =)
10. It's time to get Avril's room done. It's driving me crazy. I don't even like walking past it right now. It is a cluttered mess. Maybe Jay can help me with it this weekend.
****note: I did write most of this Tuesday, i just didn't get it posted until Thursday.
Monday, July 30, 2012
Potato
I'm gonna do it!
I've been thinking about it, and daydreaming about it, and threatening to do it for quite some time.
And I am gonna do it!
I am going to start running.
Terah & Shelby & I were talking about it last night and I have been thinking about it all day. I remembered a link on a blog I read for a running program for beginners. So I hunted it down.
Check it out.
Couch to 5K
I am starting tonight. So every Monday, Wednesday, & Friday I am going to be following this program. I will walk on alternating days. Anybody want to join me? You don't have to come to my house (you can if you want but I run at 6 am) but just start the program with me. I hate running but I want to love it. I have heard that this program helps you to love it. So, come on, give it a go with me. Anybody?
Supposedly we'll be running 3 miles in 9 weeks.
I admit, I'm skeptical.
I've been thinking about it, and daydreaming about it, and threatening to do it for quite some time.
And I am gonna do it!
I am going to start running.
Terah & Shelby & I were talking about it last night and I have been thinking about it all day. I remembered a link on a blog I read for a running program for beginners. So I hunted it down.
Check it out.
Couch to 5K
I am starting tonight. So every Monday, Wednesday, & Friday I am going to be following this program. I will walk on alternating days. Anybody want to join me? You don't have to come to my house (you can if you want but I run at 6 am) but just start the program with me. I hate running but I want to love it. I have heard that this program helps you to love it. So, come on, give it a go with me. Anybody?
Supposedly we'll be running 3 miles in 9 weeks.
I admit, I'm skeptical.
Tuesday, July 10, 2012
ten on tuesday
1) My baby boy is 8 weeks old today. I can hardly believe it has been that long already. I swear each one grows faster than the last. I'm a little frightened to see how quickly grandchildren grow! He is a sweet & easy baby. He is just about the easiest he could be. The only thing that would make him easier is if he could tolerate dairy. I guess it's just in my kids' genes to be allergic to dairy.
2) Speaking of "dairy". Does anyone know of anyone else who milks goats and sells it? I don't really see the point in getting it at the store but I would love to find some locally that I could try with the kids. I hear it's supposed to be good for you.
3) I went and saw my parents yesterday. They are building an amazing green house. I am very jealous but I think I can twist Jay's arm & get one next year. Meanwhile I think I'll do this:
2) Speaking of "dairy". Does anyone know of anyone else who milks goats and sells it? I don't really see the point in getting it at the store but I would love to find some locally that I could try with the kids. I hear it's supposed to be good for you.
3) I went and saw my parents yesterday. They are building an amazing green house. I am very jealous but I think I can twist Jay's arm & get one next year. Meanwhile I think I'll do this:
It's a suspended herb garden. I already have the basket & the seeds so the rest shouldn't set me back much. Plus it should be easy to move inside & outside. Isn't it beautiful?
4) All of my house projects sort of came to a screeching halt when Rhett arrived. I am starting to feel the urge again so I should be posting pics of Avril's room soon. Well, after I make some finishing touches that is. Soon, is a very loose term around here these days.
5) Is anyone else already freaking out about school this fall? We are trying to make some major decisions about this coming school year. Any suggestions on a curriculum that would take some of the load off of me? We would really appreciate your prayers on this matter.
6) Jay goes back to work on Monday. He will have been off for 4 weeks by then. I'm not exactly sure what I'm going to do without him. I've kind of gotten used to having him around.
7) Summer has finally arrived! The kids have been enjoying the sprinkler in the back yard. I get to use my clothes line. The daylight hours last long into the evening. Jay is able to get projects done more easily. Everybody is having BBQ's & getting tan.
I love summer!
8) I am desperately trying to learn the whole couponing thing. I haven't quite figured out just how people do it and save so much money yet. I just don't see things we buy going on sale too often. It seems like it's usually the really bad for you food & we are trying to stay away from that. I could really use a few more lessons on how to do this. Anybody up for teaching a ditzy blonde how to coupon effectively?
9) I think a trip to the lake is in order. A couple of summers ago we went in the evening with Lyle & Terah and it was so fun & relaxing. I already mentioned it to her and she's on board for another evening swim. Now we just have to convince the guys! Anybody up for a daytime trip? It may be chaotic with my foursome so be ready for an adventure. *wink*
10) My photo-a-day blog has sat in a sad lonely state for some months now. I have a couple of unposted pictures but I pretty much slacked off when I got sick in April. I think it's time to get going on that again. These kiddos of mine aren't getting any younger and I really don't want to forget the little things.
7) Summer has finally arrived! The kids have been enjoying the sprinkler in the back yard. I get to use my clothes line. The daylight hours last long into the evening. Jay is able to get projects done more easily. Everybody is having BBQ's & getting tan.
I love summer!
8) I am desperately trying to learn the whole couponing thing. I haven't quite figured out just how people do it and save so much money yet. I just don't see things we buy going on sale too often. It seems like it's usually the really bad for you food & we are trying to stay away from that. I could really use a few more lessons on how to do this. Anybody up for teaching a ditzy blonde how to coupon effectively?
9) I think a trip to the lake is in order. A couple of summers ago we went in the evening with Lyle & Terah and it was so fun & relaxing. I already mentioned it to her and she's on board for another evening swim. Now we just have to convince the guys! Anybody up for a daytime trip? It may be chaotic with my foursome so be ready for an adventure. *wink*
10) My photo-a-day blog has sat in a sad lonely state for some months now. I have a couple of unposted pictures but I pretty much slacked off when I got sick in April. I think it's time to get going on that again. These kiddos of mine aren't getting any younger and I really don't want to forget the little things.
Monday, July 9, 2012
Saturday, May 12, 2012
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